Your Good Relationship-Part 1

A good marriage is like a handshake...there is no upper hand.
-Unknown

People often ask about what they can do to maintain a good relationship with their partner. We'll identify some of these here and in future postings as well. They are not necessarily in order but this one is fundamental.

First, do no harm. Agree to never hurt one another intentionally. Of course, avoiding physical abuse at all costs should be a given for both individuals. Attempting to deliberately harm the other emotionally, needs to be equally unacceptable.

Most relationships that don't learn this don't survive for long. If they do survive they can be miserable.

We all know how to "push the buttons" of our partners. Make a commitment to yourself and each other not to do it; even if you believe it would allow you to get what you want or to win an argument.

Agree that your disagreements should be efforts to identify a compromise rather as a win-lose contest of wills. It sounds straight forward, but many of us don't learn the importance of this concept until after damage is done.

Have a discussion with your partner that identifies what each of you considers "the limit" for yourselves. Knowing what we can say and not say, helps to avoid an escalation in frustration and anger. Some couples learn this by a painful process of trial and error. Better to discuss it and agree.

Take a time-out if your discussions become too heated or are unproductive for too long a time. The first one who calls the time-out needs to have their feelings respected; let them go. Agree to meet in an hour or a day, what ever time is appropriate, to follow up.

Also important, discuss and agree on what you can each do to make the other feel "cherished & adored" according to relationship expert, Pat Love. Start with efforts you can do frequently and easily and become more creative from there. The benefits for your relationship will be well worth the effort.

Live Well.