Talking to Myself

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.
-William James

We are always talking to ourselves even if it is not spoken aloud. Our thoughts form a running dialogue that influences how we feel about our life experiences. Gaining some control over how we think, allows us to feel differently about our lives.

This self-talk comes in 2 basic forms; positive and negative, depending on whether they contribute to our feeling good or not.

For example, if we ask 2 people who are dealing with similar degrees of chronic pain to rate their levels of discomfort, the person with the more negative outlook will score higher. They feel more distressed by the pain than someone with a more positive outlook.

So how do we change these thoughts? As always it begins with recognition of how we think. We can learn to recognize when we experience thoughts that distress us.

Notice when you feel disturbed by something and ask yourself what you are thinking at that time. Most likely you will hear the thought that you had was a negative assessment of the experience.

If someone cuts you off on the highway, you might find yourself saying, “that guy did that to me on purpose!” If he did or not, is not important. What you say to yourself determines how you feel about that experience.

After recognition, try imagine a stop sign in your mind. This visualization serves as a mental turning point. It’s an opportunity to change direction and say something else to ourselves.

The final step is to replace the negative statement with an innocuous or even optimistic one. In our highway driving example, you would likely feel differently if you said to yourself, “that person must be dealing with an emergency of some kind.” You might even say to yourself, “maybe they are going to the hospital to have a baby!”

Some might find self-talk to be silly or even disingenuous to oneself. Try it anyway. Making the effort represents your ongoing desire to improve your life.

This exercise takes time to perfect and you can practice it whenever negative thoughts occur. Like any effort to change a habit, it can be an ongoing challenge that becomes more effective and easier over time.

Make the effort and don’t quit. You deserve to have peace of mind.

Live Well.