Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Website Updated! Happiness Coaching via video chat at RichPanther.com

If you have ever wanted to wrap yourself in a blanket and never leave the couch, we understand.

Our focus is on Happiness Coaching. Teaching the skills you need to happily live your best life. All via encrypted video chat.

We've updated our website, RichPanther.com, so you can schedule an appointment, pay your fee, and access our online waiting room at session time. All available directly from our website. 

If you have struggled to be happy or recover from difficult situations, schedule your first session now. If you have questions, email them to Rich@RichPanther.com. 

We promote personal and community transformation one person at a time. See you in our session.

Rich

Monday, August 8, 2016

Becoming Happy Course Update

It has been a while since I posted here but much has happened in that time.

I finished the first version of the Becoming Happy course and taught it at 5-lunch and learn sessions for Cherokee Choices diabetes program.

It was great fun and got good reviews.

I'm in the process now of learning to put it on video to upload it to the web for viewing.

thanks for continuing to read this blog. I'm very glad you get some value from it.

Stay in touch when you can.

Rich

Rich@RichPanther.com

Monday, August 24, 2015

Breaking Up? You Did the Right Thing

If you have lived and loved, you have also suffered.

And often the most painful experience is that of enduring the end of the relationship.

Since this is a perennial concern, I'll give you a couple of things to keep in mind.

You will miss them when they are gone. Even if you initiated the break-up. Even if the relationship went badly. You will miss them.

This is the time when most of us have called and apologized. At least once. And perhaps found ourselves back together again.

And we have done this knowing that nothing has changed to fix the relationship. We are still the same people that could not keep it going the first time.

But time to reconsider and hope for better, has lead us to believe it will work the second time.

And when it doesn't, we regret going back.

So what are we left to ponder?

If the relationship did not work well enough the first time, why do you think it will work this time?

And here I mean, what has changed to improve the chances that it will give you what you want?

Hope and promises and even some exceptional making-up, are not proof of meaningful change.

And our feelings of sadness for the loss of our relationship can lead us to make irrational decisions.

So, even though you are sad and missing your former companion, think with your head and not your heart.

Yes, you shared some good experiences.

And you can have strong feelings about them following a break-up.

But your feelings don't mean you were meant to be together.

As always, don't take your feelings too seriously. Think with your head.

Write the reasons down as a reminder of why it didn't work. Refer to them when the urge to call them arises.

Talk to trusted friends about your feelings. They often see things more clearly.

Stay actively engaged in your own life. Especially with those people and activities that give you your strongest sense of meaning and purpose.

Expect some feelings of loneliness. And sadness. But don't panic.

Your suffering will end, eventually.

And you will be able to recognize a better partner from what you have learned.

And hopefully, you will be a better partner too.

Stick to good decisions that you make for yourself. Trust your best judgment.

Go live and love well.

And let me know how it goes.

-- Rich

Rich@RichPanther.com

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Personal Guidelines for Enduring a Crisis

I recently sent these guidelines for self-care out to a friend who was suffering the loss of an old friend. I felt like I had to give some ideas for what she might do to help care for herself in a very difficult time.

These painful events can leave us feeling like we just want someone to give us concrete answers about what we should do next. 

We might often wish for someone to take us by the hand and show us the way to feeling better.

Yet I'm always aware that much of what I say to help folks in pain can sound trite or grossly inadequate out of context. So know that I take these guidelines seriously for using them myself and recommend them to others dealing with feeling that life is at a low point due to grief. 

I hope you find them helpful when you need reminders of how to find your way.


  • Stick as closely as possible to your normal routine. It helps us feel normal.
  • Recognize that you are working on a plan of taking good care of yourself. You are not adrift.
  • Look for things to feel good about. Count at least three every week starting today. List them in a journal regularly to help sort things out.
  • Recognize that feeling bad right now is normal and it will not last forever. You will feel better but first you will feel bad until you are finished with those feelings.
  • Remind yourself not to take your feelings too seriously. This was good to understand that we need to avoid thinking that we are our feelings, since we are not. Like dreams, they will come and they will go.
  • And get physically active to a modest degree. Don't join a gym necessarily, but get a short walk in for yourself. Not a forced march just a casual walk around a park or arboretum etc. Move regularly and for the fun of moving, not just as part of a  goal.
  • Tell yourself you are doing these things for your own good health and taking care of our physical self reminds us that we are working to care for our whole self.
  • Sitting and brooding always makes us feel worse. If you notice that is what you have been doing for a while, recognize that is time to move even for a short time. No big commitment needed. Just move and intermingle feeling painful emotions with breaks to move and rest your worried mind by looking at some thing pretty and hopeful. Maybe watch a favorite movie as a break.
  • And of course visit a friend or have them visit you. Enjoy a fun activity for a short time if that's all you feel like. Or meet someone for a short lunch. Better to do something positive and uplifting even briefly, than not at all.

I hope these are reminders of what you already know would be helpful for you. And remember, despite how you feel right now, you will feel better.

Email me if you need help getting through.

Go live well. Today.

-- Rich
Rich@RichPanther.com

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Thanks to Dogwood Wellness in Sylva, NC.

My thanks to Dr. Graeme Potter of Dogwood Wellness in Sylva, NC, where we met recently to discuss our mutual work. 

Dr. Potter is focused on Integrative Medicine and her practice is very warm and inviting. 

If you are a local resident, consider Dogwood Wellness for your health care needs. And let me know how it goes for you there. 

Live well

Thank you Ottawa,Ontario.

Cathedral of Notre Dame and Giant Spider, Museum of Art, Ottawa
Many thanks to the good people of Ottawa, Ontario, for your generosity and hospitality during my recent vacation there. I stayed downtown and could walk to anywhere easily.

I enjoyed your Poutine Festival, Bywater Market, Rideau Canal, your University, and just walking the city streets. I loved your wonderful museums! They are always a favorite stop of mine. The light show at the Parliament House was fun too despite the glitches.

Thank you again and I hope to be back.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

COUPLES (AND FRIENDS) COMMUNICATION: THE BIDDING PROCESS IS KEY

The process of communicating with anyone is built on a series of individual expressions of interest in connecting with us. We must recognize these expressions, also called bids, to connect and then respond positively to them, if we want the connection to grow.

Think of the last time you met someone that you really liked instantly. Maybe you felt like you already knew that person. Something about the way you both communicated was inviting.

It might have been their level of interest in you.

One of the first things we notice is when someone invites us to connect with them.

This is true when seeing your long time friend or when you are meeting someone for the first time. They either are interested in connecting at that moment or they are not.

In a casual social setting that might look like them smiling at us, making eye contact, reaching out to shake hands, and possibly speaking in a slightly higher tone of voice.

We might feel the warmth of their interest emotionally. All of this occurs naturally and without our noticing anything but their interest.

They are clearly interested in connecting with us. And these individual efforts add up to a chain that pulls us closer, if we respond to them positively.

Even our long time marriage partner can choose to respond to our bidding process with enthusiasm or indifference.

Do they respond quickly and kindly or are they slow to respond? Do they seem irritated to be asked to connect?

These can be indicators of a persons level of interest in communicating or a persons level of recognition that this is what we need.

Often, they do not recognize the bidding is occurring. And it is a necessity.

Very often, an unresponsive spouse does not recognize that these bids are important. They can even joke about the need to constantly reassure their partner.

If they do not take the bids seriously, over time, resentments can build as one feels the other refuse to connect.

Positive relationships are built on positive responses to our bids. And the quicker the better, in general.

And we are all different in what type of bid is important to us. A lengthy conversation or simply choosing to be in the same room can be viewed as a satisfactory response to a bid.

This process works much the same way in all of our interactions. The individual efforts might change but the intent is always to connect. Or to give the signal that they do not want to connect.

Think of your dearest friend. What are some of those things you like best about them?

Very likely one of those things is that they respond to your bids to connect quickly, consistently, and positively.

In fact, why would we want a friend that did not?

Be aware of your own bids you send out and how.

If your partner does not understand the importance of responding to you, tell them how you feel.

Explain the process and ask them to help make the relationship better by responding to you.

Our connections with others are usually the foundation of our personal happiness. Maintaining them needs to be a conscious effort.

Bidding is a basic, yet critical process that either builds a relationship or allows it to decay.

Depending on how we and others respond.

In general, we like people who like us. And they display that like by a willingness to connect.

We all send out  individual bids, or offers, to connect. Just as I am by writing this post.

Others then choose to  respond to them positively and consistently if they want the connection to grow.

Let me know what you think. Go use this to live well.

-- Rich

Rich@RichPanther.com