Friday, June 22, 2007

Attitudes and Excuses

The most inhibiting factor in getting mental health treatment is often our own attitudes about seeking assistance and being labeled with “needing help”.

Where have our attitudes come from? Why do we maintain our own roadblocks to a better life?

We can usually identify the reasons for our attitudes easily. Maybe we saw someone else’s difficult situation with a therapist or agency that didn’t go well. We might have been a part of a social group that emphasized self-reliance to the point that “needing help” was frowned upon.

Regardless of the reasons, we have to ask ourselves, “How do I get more of what I want, and less of what I don’t?”

We focus on starting from where we are right now and developing skills and steps to reach our goals. Developing goals often begins with the simple statement, “I want to live a better life.”

Identify your skills and preferences, no matter how insignificant they might seem. These form the foundation for your new life. Everyone has them, but we might not have tallied them up.

Next identify what you want. If you can’t do that easily then list what you want to be different in your life. This process provides a clear direction.

Also, list those people that can help you to reach your goals. Have at least one friend, family member or therapist or coach that believes in you and will help support you when you need it.

This simple process needs to be a regular part of our lives if we want to stay on track to a better life. Maintaining contact with a clear vision of what we want provides hope, clarity and inspiration for living the life we most want.

Live Well

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Your Good (Sexual) Relationship

Maintaining your relationship is made up of many elements. Physical intimacy with your partner is one of the most obvious (and enjoyable) ways of strengthening your relationship.

Sex has numerous benefits for our physical and emotional health. In addition, it is an opportunity to express our love and commitment to our partner's pleasure and well-being.
Sex is a sensitive barometer of an intimate relationship. Among healthy couples, not having sex is usually an indication of a conflict. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a big conflict. An accumulation of small problems or old, unresolved issues can often result in decreased desire.

Luckily, most of these are easily remedied. It might seem unrelated but the better we are at resolving conflicts in our relationships, the better our sex life might be.
Our emotional health also plays a big role in our sex lives. Most everyone knows that stress, among other issues, is a major player in decreasing sexual desire. Taking care of ourselves emotionally will benefit our sex lives as well.
Can a relationship survive without sex? Yes, but we all need to get our needs met in our relationships. If we are not getting what we need, problems in our relationship tend to grow. And sometimes people begin to look outside of their relationships to get their needs met.

This is of course terribly, and often irreparably, damaging. Sexual affairs should be avoided at any cost if you hope to keep your relationship.

No, having a good relationship is not solely dependent upon your sexual abilities. And sexual dynamos might not always make good partners. But if you are healthy and in a good relationship, nature generally takes it's course.
Take care of your emotional needs (like decreasing stress) and learn to resolve your disagreements without maintaining an ongoing conflict to allow a enjoyable and healthy sex life to grow.

The bottom line on sex is; have it. Live Well.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Your Good Relationship- Bed Time

Go to bed at the same time as your partner. It sounds easy enough, but many couples have different bedtimes.

This is not necessarily a problem, but going to bed at the same time has its benefits.

Not only does it support a designated snuggle time, but it helps to coordinate energy levels and healthy priorities like sleep.

And of course going to bed at the same time makes it easier for busy couples to have sex. Together you can put to rest all of the competing priorities of the day. Close proximity to one another is a necessity for intimacy.

Bedtime is a shared opportunity to be together in a peaceful and relaxing setting. You can live without a mutual bed time, but with all its benefits, why would you want to?

Live Well.