Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Connection is Everything

A professor of mine once said, “every human being needs to get what they want from a relationship or they will leave”. At the time this sounded harsh, but over years as a therapist, the truth of that statement has been proven to me.

Think about all the people you know and who know you. You can measure each of them by the quality of the connection you share. You have some sense of how much they might help you if you needed it, how much you like one another. You also have some idea about how far is too far to go with them.

Some lucky and healthy people feel connected to others even without knowing them of course. Others can live entirely in the "us and them" model of relationships. Regardless, your connections are worth preserving and therefore you might consider making a conscious effort to make more and nurture those you currently have in place.

You can think of it almost like putting money in the bank when you give of yourself to keep your relationship vital and relevant. Not doing so risks that your connection will wither. Of course, this can happen even with your best efforts to avoid it. Others will make their own choices and they are not always the ones we would prefer.

If a Mother's love is as close to "pure" acceptance and unending devotion, at least in an ideal world, then everyone else needs some form of maintenance from you. Spend time with those you most enjoy and give the rest to others too. It matters and will likely be enriching for you both.

Live well