Thursday, May 21, 2015


The process of communicating with anyone is built on a series of individual expressions of interest in connecting with us. We must recognize these expressions, also called bids, to connect and then respond positively to them, if we want the connection to grow.

Think of the last time you met someone that you really liked instantly. Maybe you felt like you already knew that person. Something about the way you both communicated was inviting.

It might have been their level of interest in you.

One of the first things we notice is when someone invites us to connect with them.

This is true when seeing your long time friend or when you are meeting someone for the first time. They either are interested in connecting at that moment or they are not.

In a casual social setting that might look like them smiling at us, making eye contact, reaching out to shake hands, and possibly speaking in a slightly higher tone of voice.

We might feel the warmth of their interest emotionally. All of this occurs naturally and without our noticing anything but their interest.

They are clearly interested in connecting with us. And these individual efforts add up to a chain that pulls us closer, if we respond to them positively.

Even our long time marriage partner can choose to respond to our bidding process with enthusiasm or indifference.

Do they respond quickly and kindly or are they slow to respond? Do they seem irritated to be asked to connect?

These can be indicators of a persons level of interest in communicating or a persons level of recognition that this is what we need.

Often, they do not recognize the bidding is occurring. And it is a necessity.

Very often, an unresponsive spouse does not recognize that these bids are important. They can even joke about the need to constantly reassure their partner.

If they do not take the bids seriously, over time, resentments can build as one feels the other refuse to connect.

Positive relationships are built on positive responses to our bids. And the quicker the better, in general.

And we are all different in what type of bid is important to us. A lengthy conversation or simply choosing to be in the same room can be viewed as a satisfactory response to a bid.

This process works much the same way in all of our interactions. The individual efforts might change but the intent is always to connect. Or to give the signal that they do not want to connect.

Think of your dearest friend. What are some of those things you like best about them?

Very likely one of those things is that they respond to your bids to connect quickly, consistently, and positively.

In fact, why would we want a friend that did not?

Be aware of your own bids you send out and how.

If your partner does not understand the importance of responding to you, tell them how you feel.

Explain the process and ask them to help make the relationship better by responding to you.

Our connections with others are usually the foundation of our personal happiness. Maintaining them needs to be a conscious effort.

Bidding is a basic, yet critical process that either builds a relationship or allows it to decay.

Depending on how we and others respond.

In general, we like people who like us. And they display that like by a willingness to connect.

We all send out  individual bids, or offers, to connect. Just as I am by writing this post.

Others then choose to  respond to them positively and consistently if they want the connection to grow.

Let me know what you think. Go use this to live well.

-- Rich

No comments: