Monday, August 24, 2015

Breaking Up? You Did the Right Thing

If you have lived and loved, you have also suffered.

And often the most painful experience is that of enduring the end of the relationship.

Since this is a perennial concern, I'll give you a couple of things to keep in mind.

You will miss them when they are gone. Even if you initiated the break-up. Even if the relationship went badly. You will miss them.

This is the time when most of us have called and apologized. At least once. And perhaps found ourselves back together again.

And we have done this knowing that nothing has changed to fix the relationship. We are still the same people that could not keep it going the first time.

But time to reconsider and hope for better, has lead us to believe it will work the second time.

And when it doesn't, we regret going back.

So what are we left to ponder?

If the relationship did not work well enough the first time, why do you think it will work this time?

And here I mean, what has changed to improve the chances that it will give you what you want?

Hope and promises and even some exceptional making-up, are not proof of meaningful change.

And our feelings of sadness for the loss of our relationship can lead us to make irrational decisions.

So, even though you are sad and missing your former companion, think with your head and not your heart.

Yes, you shared some good experiences.

And you can have strong feelings about them following a break-up.

But your feelings don't mean you were meant to be together.

As always, don't take your feelings too seriously. Think with your head.

Write the reasons down as a reminder of why it didn't work. Refer to them when the urge to call them arises.

Talk to trusted friends about your feelings. They often see things more clearly.

Stay actively engaged in your own life. Especially with those people and activities that give you your strongest sense of meaning and purpose.

Expect some feelings of loneliness. And sadness. But don't panic.

Your suffering will end, eventually.

And you will be able to recognize a better partner from what you have learned.

And hopefully, you will be a better partner too.

Stick to good decisions that you make for yourself. Trust your best judgment.

Go live and love well.

And let me know how it goes.

-- Rich

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